Both my parents were Jehovah’s Witnesses. So naturally, my brother and I grew up in that religion. Singing hymns was an essential part of the service. One time, only a few people knew how to sing a particular hymn and the sound was soft. The elder (that’s what we call our pastor) commented that we should sing hymns with all our hearts because that was one way of praising God. He told us that it doesn’t matter if we sing horribly or if we sing out of tune. As long as we mean the words and sing with exultation, God would love listening to it.
In high school, I experienced different kinds of cultures, religions and beliefs. Some of my friends were Roman Catholics, some were Protestants, some were Muslims, some were Buddhist, some practiced Hinduism and some were even Atheists. Being exposed to them, I began to question man and religion. Why is everyone claiming to have the right religion? Is there really a true religion? If a religion's purpose is to bring peace, then why is it that most religions are the causes of war? Then, eventually I began to question the existence of God. (I hope none of you respond badly to this. Read whole blog before you react.) I deteriorated spiritually.
Coming to Converse was the biggest break I’ve ever had. Here I experienced attending a non-denominational church for the first time. It was very different from the church I grew up in. Mainly because of the music played during service. In my previous church, the singing was a bit conservative. But this church had a rock band in front! The first 30 mins. or so of the service is dedicated to soulfully worship God through music. Everyone stands, sings, dances, jumps and shouts praises to God. It was a liberated form of worshipping! At first, I was a bit shy to move and sing, but eventually I began participating more every service. Soon, I was clapping, and moving to the beat.
It was here that I found God again. I believed that through music and through the atmosphere the community was exerting, I was deeply moved. I believe that that was God’s music softening my heart. He was working his ways through music. I immediately repented and received him. Now, I’ve never felt this happy and complete. It seemed like he answered all the questions I’ve had before. All are clear now. He made me realize that religion is just a way for people with the same beliefs to gather and learn more about God. It doesn’t really matter what religion I'm in. In the end, what matters most is my personal relationship with Him. And, what better way to develop that relationship than through the gift of sound He Himself has given me. Since that day I offered myself to him. I offered myself as an instrument. That he may use me in spreading the Good Word through His music. Now every time I play the piano and play music, I'm rejoicing for I know that he's working through me. May all praises be to Him for it's His music. I am but a feeble instrument played by He, "The Greatest Virtuoso". Imperfect as I am, I know that through me, He will be able to affect other's lives significantly in the same way that He affected mine.
Every Sunday, I'm not embarrased anymore to sing to the top of my lungs praising Him. For he has been so good to me. And, He has blessed me far more than I deserve. For that, I am deeply humiliated but at the same time truly grateful. I am a prodigal child who is now back at my Father's embrace never wanting to wander far from Him ever again.
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Wow, that was a very moving story to read! I got into a discussion with a priest last summer about why there are different religions and why people worship in different ways. He said that people are moved and find God in different ways and I think that different kinds of music mean different things to different people. I'm so glad that you have found a community that you feel comfortable in! Have a great day!
ReplyDeleteThat was very cool, Bianca. I have had the same expericence, except in reverse. I do not really like the rock band thing, rather I like traditional music in a church service. To each his own! I am glad that you have found your nitche in the spiritual-music world. It is good that you found your own faith to follow. Yay!
ReplyDeleteBianca, thank you so much for sharing!
ReplyDeleteIt's so refreshing to hear that music can touch people just instantly and almost grab you. It's also great how you have experienced so many different religious experiences and that you have decided upon one for yourself. God works in different ways and finding your place in His musical/spiritual world is SO exciting. I hope that music continues to be a pasison of yours as well as speak to you spiritually!
Bianca, this is such an amazing story and I have to say that I have had a similar experience with church music really moving me spiritually, especially at the church I am attending here in Spartanburg, which also has a full rock band in the front! I think it is so great that you have been moved in this way, and this new passion will come through your playing (as if your playing isn't absolutely amazing already...). :)
ReplyDeleteI used to have a Sunday School teacher who said that doubt was a bird who would always fly through your mind, you should just try not to let him build a nest. I think thought, that if you do doubt and come back to something, that you would have strong reasons for doing so and that you could then commit yourself to that thing more strongly than you could have without the doubt. Some of us, (me included here) just are doubters and need extra help like Thomas.
ReplyDeleteYou are absolutely adorable (in a good way)! I like your elder's opinion on singing out.
ReplyDeleteIt's always good to find a place that you can be comfortable in. I may not be open in large groups, but I always like to try and listen.
That was beautiful Bianca. I do love to hear other peoples' testimonies and how they found peace within their own lives.
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